Things I'm Afraid To Tell You. Have you heard about this movement started by a few US bloggers? It's all about sharing things on your blog you would normally hide and getting rid of this notion of perfection blogging. When I first read about it I instantly connected with the idea of confession. Something about throwing caution to the wind and exposing your vulnerability was both thrilling and horrifying at the same time. In true fearful Jaclyn style, I filed the email away so that I could think about whether or not I actually had the guts to write something. Of course I wanted to. I just didn't know if I could or would.
This little blog is just a small blip in the blogosphere but even i sometimes feel ridiculous of how life can appear on this blog. I cringe reading back some of my posts where all i do is talk about strolling around the block, quick dips in the ocean or another delicious dinner at some beach side restaurant. Is this really my life? Perhaps it represents a very, very small sliver and while I'm so grateful for the beautiful and lucky world that I live in, the reality is that my life is mostly messy, boring, mundane and just as wonderfully crazy as anyone else. I just choose not to show you most of the crazy bits. You don't get to see the dusty corners, dirty dishes, days when I'm homesick and feeling sorry for myself and all the other less than perfect, not so bloggable moments that make up my life.
In the spirit of sharing and in a brief moment of bravery I'll do my little part in sharing a few of the things I'm afraid of. Here goes...
I'm easily afraid. Of failure, rejection, missing out, losing out. Of regret. I really fear regret.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And I'm actually okay with that. I'm pretty happy with where I am at the moment and am in no rush to plan away the years ahead. I never really thought that I'd be where I am today, sometimes that's a good thing and somethings I feel like I've missed out on what I hope I'd achieved. Then I step back and look at the steps that brought me to this place and realise that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Some days its just harder to realise this than others.
I'm my own worst enemy. My self doubt when not kept in check can be debilitating. For a mostly confident person I can really get down on myself at times and its extremely irritating.
I like being alone. I am perfectly comfortable spending time by myself and secretly cherish those moments when Jimmy is out of the house and I get to lounge around in daggy clothes, listening to cheesy music or watching bad television.
Despite trying really, really hard not to, I care far too much what people think of me.
And finally, I'm 33 and I actually like that One Direction song. Like, a lot.
Wow, this felt great....way better than therapy. Hope it wasn't too heavy but thanks for listening.